It is, I believe, part of our life's work to deal with the shadow as much as it is to dance in the sunshine.

WOW read this on my bereavement site today and I love that saying. It is a nice way to put it and hopefully some of that sunshine will head its way into my heart soon. Just got back from vacation today from Patti and Lindy's house and man was it ever hard to come home to reality. While I was there, I was able to believe that maybe Al was at home waiting for me and Hayley to return. But he wasnt here when we returned. I miss him so much and still feel the need to tell him things. I took pics of the flooding in downtown Alton today and I wanted to rush home and show him. I feel so cheated for both he and I for what could have been. How could his life be over? How can he not be here to share in the experiences that life has to offer? How am *I* the person that everyone feels sorry for now and calls or emails to let me know they are still thinking of me? *I* want to be the person that does not, not be the person that is receiving those kind thoughts. I still feel as if this has happened to someone else and not my dear Al.

Now THIS is what I am going to spend my tax rebate on!

Isnt it to DIE FOR???? This is just one of those must have items that every household needs, dont you think?

Well today is another rainy day here and my mood is about as blue. I miss Al something fierce and want his arms around me to tell me that all will be okay. It certainly hasnt gotten any easier on this grief road but at least I am still hanging in there if only by a thread sometimes.

But GET THIS. I am CONTEMPLATING jumping back in to the dating scene again. I have been advised by two good counselors and friends that this might be the best thing for me. I dont want anything serious yet, just want to have some FUN you know what I mean? I worry that others will think it is too soon but hey life is short! I imagine I will try it on for size, decide I am not ready and then lay low again but that is okay. At least I will know! Life was so much easier...

Now THIS made me laugh out loud today

And I totally needed a laugh today. Today just SUCKED to say the least. I need to find a newer more appropriate word for how things have been lately than suck. It jsut doesnt have the umph that I want and I hate to throw the F word in front of it just to make a point. Anyone with any good suggestions feel free to drop me a line.

Today two people that I work with lost their jobs. This is the THIRD set of layoffs that I have been thru in the last 6 years and surviving them is good but it just wears the soul down. We knew it was coming today and they began calling us in one by one.... After MANY tears and many conversations and hugs later, I HOPE that I have stopped crying for the day. If I had a dime for every tear I have shed in the past year....