It is, I believe, part of our life's work to deal with the shadow as much as it is to dance in the sunshine.

WOW read this on my bereavement site today and I love that saying. It is a nice way to put it and hopefully some of that sunshine will head its way into my heart soon. Just got back from vacation today from Patti and Lindy's house and man was it ever hard to come home to reality. While I was there, I was able to believe that maybe Al was at home waiting for me and Hayley to return. But he wasnt here when we returned. I miss him so much and still feel the need to tell him things. I took pics of the flooding in downtown Alton today and I wanted to rush home and show him. I feel so cheated for both he and I for what could have been. How could his life be over? How can he not be here to share in the experiences that life has to offer? How am *I* the person that everyone feels sorry for now and calls or emails to let me know they are still thinking of me? *I* want to be the person that does not, not be the person that is receiving those kind thoughts. I still feel as if this has happened to someone else and not my dear Al.